Dont know where i stand with christianity

So this randomly came to be. Ive been having issues with christianity my religion. I couldnt talk to my family about it because they are a bit over the top. Like Im learning chinese at the moment and they think all of a sudden im changing religions and dont believe god. Which is annoying i just wanna learn the language and there culture.
Anyway back to the topic. My issue is im sort of up in the air. I do believe in god. But im more of an “i believe in him but im not an extreme type of christian”. By extreme i mean they literally eat and breathe for god. Like dont get wrong god is important however they take it to the extreme I feel like some things you have to do to be a christian. Like i know some of the bible however if i where to sit down and try to read it it wouldnt happen. I have adhd so its hard for me to stay focused and reading the bible is a bit boring to me. Which i know sounds terrible but its just not appealing to me so its hard to read something you have no interest in. I do know some of the bible but not all of it.
Also some of the things in the bible i dont feel i dont believe in. Like shouldnt we love everybody in the world however at the same time the bible is very much against gays. I prefer to world to be peaceful and harmonious but some of the things in the bible go against that value yet whenever i look up things it says we should still show kindness to one another yet the bible is saying a totally different thing. Like for example abraham offered his son to god as a sacrifice. Thats not something i would do especially since it seems like the son was innocent until he did a sin of polygamy. But i believe at that time he didnt commit it. Which in all honesty god probably knew about that sin. But anyway killing an actual innocent person is just not good in general. Like an animal offering i could deal with but an innocent person to die just to test you’re faith? Its a bit much and isnt exactly a peaceful mindset i have. I have some different opinions and dont believe in some of the things that are said in the bible. So i feel very confused. Like you should agree with everything god does he created us and knows whats best so if your a christian you should be able to agree with everything in the bible.
Plus im a very curious person. I like to learn new things. Ive always found witchcraft interesting. However its considered a sin as well. So it shouldnt be something we should be “fascinated” by. Like im sure not all witch craft has be done through the devil? Im sure god has no problem as long as your doing it and going through him as a way to do “witchcraft”. Because you dont have an evil purpose or intention which is what i believe should be the case on why its bad.
Also like i believe you can pray to him however its useless to keep praying if he wont answer that prayer. You could be saying it for months but unless its gods will nothing will happen. Which is again is against the belief that god can do anything and you should go to him for problems. Ive been having a bit of trouble with hormones which has led to masturbation but its considered a sin in the bible. Like i try my hardest not to but its gets very uncomfortable and i heard that if you keep repeating the same sin again and again that god will just eventually not forgive you? Like i was like pft sounds easy should be no problem to fix. Yeah uhm my body feels differently and makes it very uncomfortable. Im a bit shy about it but its very normal behavior everybody has its just completely foreign to me because i have never felt it before. Im asexual and i was uninterested in it. Im actually uninterested in it and it sort of makes me feel gross afterwards because the asexuality part of myself doesnt really like it but my body just randomly becomes that way out of nowhere. Also asexuality is against the bible as well. Which asexuality is feeling no attraction or very little attraction to anybody. I feel a slight attraction though.
Im also wondering if it could be from my depression so i feel disconnected with him? Sometimes i get a disconnected type emotion with it. Im so confused.
I used to be in a online bible study and i really enjoyed it. It was short yet detailed and kept me interested. However its no longer a thing. I learned a lot from it and wasnt as confused when i was going to bible study


Set aside time for reflection and prayer. Talk to God honestly about your doubts, questions, and concerns. Ask for guidance and understanding. Consider keeping a journal to record your thoughts and reflections as you navigate your spiritual journey.


Take time to examine your own beliefs and values. Consider what aspects of Christianity resonate with you and align with your understanding of truth and morality. Reflect on how your beliefs influence your worldview, relationships, and decisions.

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It is okay to have questions and seek answers. Keep an open mind and heart as you explore your spirituality. Ultimately, finding your place with Christianity is a personal process that requires time, patience, and a genuine desire to seek truth and grow in your relationship with God.

May you find clarity, peace, and a deepening relationship with God as you continue to explore and grow in your understanding of Christianity.